This weblog is not being written to be read. It charts a mental decline and a relentless, often distracted, crawl towards an inevitable suicide, with sophomoric ruminations on religion from a Buddhist biased point of view, some non-expert cosmology and astrophysics, monastic aspirations, and other really, really, REALLY DEEP THOUGHTS that contradict themselves and aren't supposed to be watertight. Get off my back.
"With mind distracted, never thinking, 'Death is coming,' To slave away on the pointless business of mundane life, And then to come out empty - it is a tragic error. Recognition of necessity is the holy teaching So won't you live this divine truth from now on?" These are the words of the great adepts. If you don't put the Mentor's precept in your mind, Won't you be the one who deceives yourself? - Bardo Thödol (root verses).